“Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal.”

“It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much.”

“We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.”

“The only way to tell a fable is to introduce a human. The only way to tell a proverb is to introduce your grandfather.”

“So many things happen that we can't control, its best not to worry about what we can. Believing you can change the world has a terrible effect on one's ego.”

“Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol.”

“The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.”