“Self-awareness of one’s faults, far from being the first step to growth, is very often the second foot in the mud.”

“Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always dying.”

“Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.”

“Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden.”

“I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.”

“Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.”

“The only way to be completely self-consistent is to be constantly uttering paradoxes.”