“Sending love letters to first-graders will teach them lessons in cursive. But writing back will test their commitment.”

“A ransom note, the true test of unconditional love.”

“Dentistry is a precondition to love at first sight. When your eyes meet she beams with happiness, but when you smile back she shows her true reflexes.”

“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.”

“I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.”

“Like a valet who commits grand theft auto not to go for a joy ride but to open a used car lot, so do we seize upon love not to revel in its ecstasies but to haggle over its blue-book value.”

“Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.”