“Spontaneous abortion: the opposite of immaculate conception. God has compensated for Christianity’s violent history by revealing that innocent blood does not have to be spilt.”

“Buddhism: a violent religion that has compensated for the exploding human population by causing whole species of animal vessels to go extinct.”

“Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.”

“Have a baby shower, then an abortion. Now you just have to lose a little weight to squeeze into all your skimpy new outfits.”

“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”

“I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered in the fruits of my genius.”

“Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.”