“Teacher: a master who, through personal example, inspires students to rebel against learning.”

“Rioter: a person who wants dinner, and needs a TV to eat it with.”

“Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?”

“Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.”

“Inconsistent parenting creates confusion. When I'm pitting mom against dad, they never know what to expect.”

“It is remarkably precocious when a person accomplishes anything after the age of thirty.”

“Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.”