“The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.”

“I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.”

“The amount of educational programming on television today is simply desensitizing. The only reason left to go to school is to see gun violence.”

“You cannot be doomed, after all, as long as you can still see the faint outline of hope on the opposite shore.”

“Dentistry is a precondition to love at first sight. When your eyes meet she beams with happiness, but when you smile back she shows her true reflexes.”

“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.”

“Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.”