“The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.”

“What’s outside my head and what’s inside my head aren’t worth mentioning. What’s worth mentioning is what’s on my head – my hair. Whatever happens, I’ll still be as fashionably coiffed as I was before the war broke out and I got dementia.”

“I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.”

“I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to tell me there’s something inside my head, controlling me?”

“I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered in the fruits of my genius.”

“I dropped out of school and congratulated myself for my diligence. Few realize how hard one has to work to resist the pressures of conventional success.”

“I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.”