“To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.”

“Water is very bad for one’s health. People in third world countries seem to drink nothing but water, and they are always dying.”

“Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.”

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”

“Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.”

“You can always tell the quality of an author by their cover picture. Bad writers bear an idiotic smile on the inside flap. Great writers take up the entire back cover looking slightly mad, sad, or bored. The very best writers, though, had the superior ability to die before photography was invented.”

“Don’t take drugs. Asking politely promotes healthy stereotypes.”