“We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.”

“Hypocrisy is a quality found in others. I am an optimist. I believe that saying the right thing will eventually cause people to do the right thing for me.”

“We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.”

“After all else, there’s more yet: I don’t know what, though.”

“I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.”

“What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper protection these days is exactly why there are always so many colds going around.”

“I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.”