“We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.”

“We need to revitalize the American spirit. People are always asking ‘What would the founding fathers do,’ but I have yet to witness a single séance.”

“So many things happen that we can't control, its best not to worry about what we can. Believing you can change the world has a terrible effect on one's ego.”

“I ran into an old friend on the street and we started up a conversation. Four hours and six bottles of wine later, we decided the weather was just too unpredictable, and we parted ways.”

“Neighbors are the most indecent sort of folk around. Nothing but voyeurs and gossipers. As a community we would be much better off without them.”

“I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.”

“Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.”