“When nobody practices what they strongly believe in, that day will be a triumph of prudence.”

“It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much.”

“What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper protection these days is exactly why there are always so many colds going around.”

“Moderation: a median with no means, praised by those with no misfortunes, practiced by those with no merits.”

“Divorce runs high these days, but I’m an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.”

“One nation, under God, with consciousness – the practical man serves the highest abstraction with juggling training.”

“The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.”