“When you don't hold your pipe with the proper poise, smoking is very hazardous for your image.”

“It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much.”

“Don't swallow: your bulging, blushing cheeks display the saliva you want to share.”

“What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper protection these days is exactly why there are always so many colds going around.”

“When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them.”

“Don't drink away your dreams; drink towards them.”

“Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.”