“Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.”

“Spontaneous abortion: the opposite of immaculate conception. God has compensated for Christianity’s violent history by revealing that innocent blood does not have to be spilt.”

“Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.”

“If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.”

“We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.”

“Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.”

“A hobby is labor disguising itself as leisure. It is extremely destructive to the boundaries of private life.”