“What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.”

“I’m starting a petition to have Coach fired,” Vee said, coming to my table. “What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed—”I nailed her with a look that said, Does it look like I want a replay?”

“Class was like watered down porn today." Vee said”

“Then what sport do you play?"Carlos puts down his food. Oh, no. He's got a rebellious gleam in his eye as he says, "The horizontal tango."-------------------------------------------"Dancing really isn't a sport," Brandon tells Carlos, oblivious to the shock at the rest of the table."It is when I do it," Carlos says.-------------------------------------------Brandon turns to my dad with big, innocent eyes."Daddy, do YOU know how to do the horizontal tango?”

“Here are the Top Ten things that your parents say to you:-Is that all you're going to do all day, sit in front of the computer?-When I was your age I had two jobs.-Why don't you wear some clothes that fir for a change?-Turn it down. I can hear it all the way over here.-You're not eating that for dinner.-Did you do your homework?-Stop mumbling and speak up.-Now what did you do?-Because I said so.-No.”

“Back in my day, we had it all set up. You lined up when you died, and you'd answer for your evil deeds and your good deeds, and if your evil deeds outweighed a feather, we'd feed your soul and your heart to Ammet, the Eater of Souls""He must have eaten a lot of people.""Not as many as you'd think. It was a really heavy feather. We had it made special. You had better be pretty damn evil to tip the scales on that baby...”