“You’ve got food stuck in your teeth,” Vee toldMarcie. “In the crack between your two front teeth.Looks like chocolate Ex-Lax …”

“So?” I asked Vee. “What’s the verdict?”“The verdict? My doctor is a lard-arse. Closely resembles an Oompa-Loompa. Don’t give me your severe look. Last time he came in, he broke into the Funky Chicken. And he’s forever eating chocolate. Mostly chocolate animals. You know the solid chocolate bunnies they’re selling for Easter? That’s what the Oompa-Loompa ate for dinner. Had a chocolate duck at lunch with a side of yellow Peeps.”

“Something doesn't look right," Vee said. "Is the tire supposed to look like that?"I banged my head against the nearest tree trunk."So we've got a flat," Vee said. "What now?”

“Reading a good book in silence is like eating chocolate for the rest of your life and never getting fat.”

“Class was like watered down porn today." Vee said”

“Have you finished your column for tomorrow's headline?" It was Vee. She came up beside me, jotting notes on the notepad she carried everywhere. "I'm thinking of writing mine on the injustice of seating charts. I got paired with a girl who said she just finished lice treatment this morning.”

“I’m starting a petition to have Coach fired,” Vee said, coming to my table. “What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed—”I nailed her with a look that said, Does it look like I want a replay?”