“The coma ward was boring yet difficult. Like golf.”

“The only thing more boring than watching golf, is listening to people talk about the golf they are watching.”

“They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.”

“I remember one time, back in the day, I was at his [Bill Ward] house and he said, ‘Oh, ’ello Ozzy. You’ll never guess what? I’ve just come out of a coma.’‘What d’you mean, a coma? That’s one stage removed from being dead. You know that, don’t you, Bill?’‘All I know is I went to bed on Friday, and now it’s Tuesday, and I only just woke up. That’s a coma, isn’t it?’‘No, that’s taking too many drugs and drinking too much cider and sleeping for three days in a row, you d**k.’”

“Golf, like measles, should be caught young.”

“Wouldn’t you like to slip into something more comfortable though? Perhaps a coma?”