“I am not sure,' Mordecai told Thomas, 'whether omens can be trusted.''Of course they can.''I should like to hear your reasons. But show me your urine first.''You said I was cured,' Thomas protested. 'Eternal vigilance, dear Thomas, is the price of health. Piss for me.”

“Did you become a Christian in your nunnery?' I asked her.'Of course not.' she said scornfully.'They didn't mind?''I gave them silver.''Then they didn't mind.' I said.'I don't think any Dane is a real Christian.' she told me.'Not even your brother?''We have many gods,' she said, 'and the Christian god is just another one. I'm sure that's what Guthred thinks. What's the Christian god's name? A nun did tell me, but I've forgotten.''Jehovah.'There you are, then. Odin, Thor and Jehovah. Does he have a wife?''No.''Poor Jehovah.' she said.”

“It was while he was on the tower thatRobbie came to the rampart beneath. 'I want you to look at this,' Robbie called up to him, and flourished a newly painted shield. 'You like it?'Thomas peered down and, in the moonlight, saw something red. 'What is it?' he asked. 'A blood smear?''You blind English bastard,' Robbie said, 'it's the red heart of Douglas!''Ah. From up here it looks likesomething died on the shield.”

“I do understand that you can look into someone’s eyes,” I heard myself saying, “and suddenly know that life will be impossible without them. Know that their voice can make your heart miss a beat and that their company is all your happiness can ever desire and that their absence will leave your soul alone, bereft and lost.”

“Tell me how Gisela can be married to a man she's never met?'Aidan glanced across at Guthred as if expecting help from the king, but Guthred was still motionless, so Aidan had to confront me alone. 'I stood beside her in Lord Ælfric's place,' he said, 'so in the eyes of the church she is married.''Did you hump her as well?' I demanded, and the priests and monks hissed their disapproval.'Of course not.' Aidan said, offended.'If no one's ridden her,' I said, 'then she's not married. A mare isn't broken until she's saddled and ridden. Have you been ridden?' I asked Gisela.'Not yet.' she said.'She is married.' Aidan insisted.'You stood at the altar in my uncle's place,' I said, 'and you call that a marriage?''It is.' Beocca said quietly.'So if I kill you,' I suggested to Aidan, ignoring Beocca, 'she'll be a widow?”

“King Edmund of East Anglia is now remembered as a saint, as one of those blessed souls who live forever in the shadow of God. Or so the priests tell me. In heaven, they say, the saints occupy a privileged place, living on the high platform of God’s great hall where they spend their time singing God’s praises. Forever. Just singing. Beocca always told me that it would be an ecstatic existence, but to me it seems very dull. The Danes reckon their dead warriors are carried to Valhalla, the corpse hall of Odin, where they spend their days fighting and their nights feasting and swiving, and I dare not tell the priests that this seems a far better way to endure the afterlife than singing to the sound of golden harps. I once asked a bishop whether there were any women in heaven. “Of course there are, my lord,” he answered, happy that I was taking an interest in doctrine. “Many of the most blessed saints are women.”“I mean women we can hump, bishop.”He said he would pray for me. Perhaps he did.”

“I forgot to mention,” Father Christopher said, smiling seraphically at Sir Martin, “that I am also a priest. So let me offer you a blessing.” He pulled out a golden crucifix that had been hidden beneath his shirt and held it toward Lord Slayton’s men. “May the peace and love of our Lord Jesus Christ,” he said, “comfort and sustain you while you take your farting mouths and your turd-reeking presence out of our sight.” He waved a sketchy cross toward the horsemen. “And thus farewell.”