“December is celebrated quite heartily here in the United States. Aggresively, one might say. Every conceivable space is corseted with strands of twinkle lights, buildings are smothered beneath greenery, and a mass mania for erecting oversized, inflatable, waving "snowmen" in front of homes erupts amid the populace. It's quite a hysteria- and the evergreen trees are not just a myth, Vasile. People really do purchase them, in abundance. They are for sale everywhere. Imagine paying for the privilege of dragging a filthy piece of forest into your living area for the purpose of bedecking it with glass balls and staring at it.Why a tree? If one needed to display glass balls-and I highly discorage it-why not just a case of some sort? A rack?”

“ Where is the stupid bus? And why did my dad have to be so big on mass transit, anyhow? Why couldn't I I own a car, like practically every other senior? But no, i had to 'share the ride' to save the environment. When I'm abducted by the menacing guy under the tree, Dad will probably insist my face only appear on recycled milk cartons....”

“P.S. What the hell. Why not sign off with the traditional American greeting? "Merry Christmas," Uncle Vasile. "Happy holidays to you."P.P.S. Really---"counseling"!”

“Were you even aware that one could rent clothes, Vasile? Does it not seem a bit...cringe inducing?”

“But some things are just too dangerous to live, I suppose.”

“No one's making any decisions today," Mom translated. "It's late, and we're all tired and a little overwhelmed. Besides, Lucius, Jessica is not ready to contemplate marriage. She hasn't even kissed a boy yet, for goodness' sake." Lucius smirked at me, raising one eyebrow. "Really? No suitors? How shocking. I would have thought your pitchfork skills would be attractive to certain bachelors here in farm country.”

“Lucius needs you. He mourns you. He loves you. It's very unusual for a vampire to truly love. Some hold that real love between vampires is a myth. That we are too vicious by nature.But Lucius does. He loves you--as you love him.”