“Why did I sign up for this?''Because we grow by challenging ourselves.”

“Why?""Because...because he's so tall," Mindy explained, like height was proof of good character. "And did I mention European?""Yes. It's so much better to be stalked by a tall European that an American of average height.”

“P.S. What the hell. Why not sign off with the traditional American greeting? "Merry Christmas," Uncle Vasile. "Happy holidays to you."P.P.S. Really---"counseling"!”

“Where do you. come from?" Frank challenged, puffing his chest, a little bolder now that he could breathe. "Some of us are starting to wonder.""I come from civilization," Lucius retorted. "You wouldn't be familiar with the territory. Now pick up the books.”

“ Where is the stupid bus? And why did my dad have to be so big on mass transit, anyhow? Why couldn't I I own a car, like practically every other senior? But no, i had to 'share the ride' to save the environment. When I'm abducted by the menacing guy under the tree, Dad will probably insist my face only appear on recycled milk cartons....”

“Lucius paused, turning on his heel to face me. "I grow weary of your ignorance." He moved closer to me, leaning down and peering into my eyes. "Because your parents refuse to inform you, I will deliver the news myself,and I shall make this simple for you." He pointed to his chest and announced, as though talking to a child, "I am a vampire." He pointed to my chest. "You are a vampire. And we are to be married, the moment you come of age. This has been decreed since our births." I couldn't even process the "getting married" part, or the thing about "decreed." He'd lost me at "vampire." Nuts. Lucius Vladescu is completely nuts. And I'm alone with him, in an empty barn. So I did what any sane person would do. I jammed the pitchfork in the general direction of his foot and ran like hell for the house, ignoring his yowl of pain. ”

“Someday, Jessica, he says quietly, you will stand before me in this very room, as we prepare for some function whichwe both dread, for we have been to so many in our years together, and you will smile and reach up to adjust my crooked tie, as you always do. And one of our children—perhaps our first son—will tug at your dress, demanding our attention. Then I will kiss you, and reach down to lift our child, thinking, How did I come to be so happy?”