“I haven't left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis.Election, erection, election, erection!Either way we're screwed!”

“I didn't belong as a kid, and that always bothered me. If only I'd known that one day my differentness would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier.”

“I have my standards. They're low, but I have them.”

“I never know how much of what I say is true.”

“If only I'd known my differentness would be an asset, then my earlier life would have been much easier.”

“My idea of superwoman is someone who scrubs her own floors.”

“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.”