“And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...”

“And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.”

“Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?”

“As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest.”

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”

“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”

“The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.”