“And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.”

“And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...”

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”

“Decide that you want it more than you're afraid of it”

“As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest.”

“Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.”

“Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?”