“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.”

“A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.”

“And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...”

“If you want to be seen, stand up.If you want to be heard, speak up.If you want to be appreciated, shut up.”

“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”