“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”

“The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”

“Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.”

“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Old is always fifteen years from now.”

“The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.”

“People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.”