“The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”

“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”

“Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?”

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

“Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”

“People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.”

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”