“The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.”

“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”

“Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?”

“As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest.”

“All Children Have Brain Damage!”

“Old is always fifteen years from now.”

“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”