“YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.”

“I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.”

“I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!”

“And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...”

“If you want to be seen, stand up.If you want to be heard, speak up.If you want to be appreciated, shut up.”

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.”

“When you become senile, you won't know it.”