“Zip zop wop boopity bop.”

“If you want to be seen, stand up.If you want to be heard, speak up.If you want to be appreciated, shut up.”

“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”

“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”

“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”