“Let's try to find ten good things to say about Albert Belle:10. So far as we know, he's never killed anyone. 9. He is handsome, and built like a God. 8. He played every game. 7. He has never appeared on the Jerry Springer Show. 6. He was an underrated base runner who was rarely caught stealing. 5. He hasn't been arrested in several years. 4. He is very bright. 3. He works hard. 2. He has never spoken favorably about Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, or any other foreign madman. 1. The man could hit.”

“Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.1. You're wearing that?2. Something smells funny.3. Where's the Tylenol?4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.5. I have a confession to make…6. My dad has a suit just like that.7. That man is hot. Look at him.8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?”

“You can't go from 1-10 without going through 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9. Learning to respect the process and living to appreciate the result is the formula for growth”

“1) Never trust a cop in a raincoat.2) Beware of enthusiasm and of love, both are temporary and quick to sway.3) If asked if you care about the world's problems, look deep into the eyes of he who asks, he will never ask you again.4) Never give your real name.5) If ever asked to look at yourself, don't look.6) Never do anything the person standing in front of you can't understand.7) Never create anything, it will be misinterpreted, it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life.”

“It is no wonder he wins every game. He has never done a thing in his life exept play games”

“Do you know why I believe in the Lord Jesus and what He says? Because He has proved to me that He has my best interests at heart. What could He do that He did not do? He already gave His life for us (Romans 5:8-10; 8:32)”