“New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are “same sex” marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.”

“Republicans are taking the defeat over Health Care as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage.”

“I oppose same-sex marriage and civil unions but I support domestic partnership between gay and lesbian couples. I have no problem with gay and lesbian couples adopting. I support equal benefits for same-sex couples such as hospital visitation rights”

“It may be that same-sex couples will save the institution of marriage.”

“Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.”

“The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”

“Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake--you know, to send the right message to kids.”