“Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a planwhen his dad said "Eat your peas."Barney shouted no and ranBarney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellarBarney's Mom never found out where he'd gone,Cause Barney didn't tell her.There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruelWith every bite for fifty yearshe was sorry he'd been cruel”

“I didn't want to see them lower him into the ground in the spot he'd picked out with his dad, and I didn't want to see his parents sink to their knees in the dew-wet grass and moan in pain....”

“She's never been touched by a boy who knows what love looks like.I picture Sam's parents, his mom resting her hand in the center of his dad's back and the way his dad leans back against her.”

“At school, he enacted a major piece of treachery against his parents. His right hand was Evil Dad, and his left was Righteous Mom. Evil Dad blustered and theorized and dished out pompous bullshit. Righteous Mom complained and accused. In Righteous Mom's cosmology, Evil Dad was the sole source of hemmoroids, kleptomania, global conflict, bad breath, tectonic-plate fault lines, and clogged drains, as well as every migraine headache and menstrual cramp Righteous Mom had ever suffered.”

“I introduced Putin to our Scottish terrier, Barney. He wasn't very impressed. On my next trip to Russia, Vladimir asked if I wanted to meet his dog, Koni. Sure, I said. As we walked the birch-lined grounds of his dacha, a big black Labrador came charging across the lawn. With a twinkle in his eye, Vladimir said, "Bigger, stronger, and faster than Barney." Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada [said], "You're lucky he only showed you his dog.”

“James' first concern had been Ralph, who was indeed travelling over the holiday, staying with his dad at his flat in London. Zane assured them that he'd already been to see Ralph, warning him to keep his wand handy and try to never be alone.”