“Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.”

“I must follow the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.”

“Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.”

“There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”

“Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!!Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.”

“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse”

“That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.”