“But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!”

“Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!”

“Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!!Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.”

“Calvin and Hobbes:Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

“Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table.Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!?Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?”

“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”

“[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to... Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?”