“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.”

“[Calvin, who has the chicken pox, calls Susie on the telephone.] Susie: Hello? Calvin: Hi, Susie! It's me, Calvin! I was wondering if you'd like to come over and play. Susie: Why, sure! Boy, I don't think you've ever invited me to... Calvin's Mom: Calvin, what are you doing? Calvin: Nothing, Mom. Go away. Calvin's Mom: You're contagious! You can't have anyone over to play! Calvin: Shhhh! Shhhh! You'll spoil the whole thing! I was going to trick Susie into catching... HEY! OW! LET GO! Susie: [Hanging up the phone] Any chance of getting transferred, Dad?”

“Why did you tell her I'm your boyfriend? Why doesn't she know about your real one? - TimmyHe's English! And Mom...Mom hates foreigners! - Cat”

“Mom was getting really worked up, and tears began to trickle down her cheeks. As I’m sure you know, it’s a really, really bad sign when your mom starts crying. It can’t get much worse than that. Mom tears are one of the most powerful forces in the universe.”

“And Mom doesn't like anyone cutting her flowers, so I cut up her magazines instead. Do you like it?”

“Ooh that’s him!” my mom cried jumping up and down.“Why don’t you date him, mom? You seem to really like him,” I smiled.She stopped jumping. “Oh, I couldn’t. He’s much too young for me,” she laughed wickedly and went to get the door.“Haven’t you ever heard of cougars!” I yelled after her. Sloane and her mom Tammi”