“CALVIN:Our hero regains consciousness at the feet of a sarcastic alien.”

“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”

“Calvin: Trick or Treat!Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be?Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!...Boy, am I scary or what?”

“Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books.”

“Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery -- it recharges by running.”

“It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.”

“Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!!Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.”