“God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I’m so far behind, I’ll never die.”

“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind that I'll never die".”

“From now on I’ll connect the dots my own way.”

“Mom’s not feeling well. So I’m making her a get well card.”“That’s thoughtful of you.”"See, on the front it says, ‘Get Well Soon’ … and on the inside it says,’Because my bed isn’t made, my clothes need to be put away and I’m hungry. Love Calvin.’ Want to sign it?”“Sure, I’m hungry too”

“That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.”

“Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too.This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out.In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice.Dad says the sun isn't going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon.Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?”

“As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.”