“Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!""If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.”

“Hup hup ha ha hammy hee hee!”

“At the Lamaze class, they had me hold a block of ice for a full minute to stimulate labor pain, saying "Hee-haw, hee-haw," and doing my breathing excercises. They made the husbands try it first. Your father made it through the whole minute. The vision of him shouting "Hee-haw," cross-eyed with pain, was singular. The first really great laugh I've had in weeks.”

“Hee-hee-hee. I'm fine, reeeeally. Wanting to die is starting to be a habit for me. Don't worry about it, okay? Next week there's a sale I've been looking forward to, and I promised some friends that I'd go see a movie with them, and I haven't even used my half-price ticket for griddled monja cakes yet, so I can't die.”

“Just do your breathing exercises." He leans over the backseat and grabs my hand. "Come on. That's it. Hoo-hoo-hoo, hee-hee-hee. Hoo-hoo-hoo...' 'Keep that up,' I warn him, wincing around another contraction, 'and I'm going to hit you right in your "hoo-hoo”

“Tee hee torture!”