“HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams.”

“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”

“It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.”

“Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!”

“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”

“Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!”

“I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.”