“I keep forgetting that rules are only for little nice people.”

“The only permanent rule in Calvinball is that you can never play it the same way twice! (Calvin)”

“The problem with people is that they're only human.”

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

“Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE!Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you're over here like this?Calvin:...I don't think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.”

“I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.”

“As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.”