“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”

“To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.”

“I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.”

“Mothers are the necessity of invention.”

“CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.”

“In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”

“Good friends are hard to come by.. I need more money.”