“I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?”

“Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it.”

“CALVIN:Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it's funny.Don't you think it's odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?HOBBES:I suppose if we couldn't laugh at the things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.”

“We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.”

“Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff!Calvin:All I've got to say is they're not making me learn any foreign languages. If English is good enough for me, then by golly, it's good enough for the rest of the world! Everyone should just speak English or shut up, that's what I say!Susie: You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal.”

“I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.”

“I think you should know that real-life white people are not all as funny as the ones on 'Seinfeld'.”