“I'm crying because out there he's gone, but he's not gone inside me.”

“Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.”

“Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.”

“Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a planwhen his dad said "Eat your peas."Barney shouted no and ranBarney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellarBarney's Mom never found out where he'd gone,Cause Barney didn't tell her.There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruelWith every bite for fifty yearshe was sorry he'd been cruel”

“The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!""No he doesn't!""He doesn't?""NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!""A traitor!""Calvin breaks for the goal.""Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!""Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!""Huh?!""When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!""Hidden?!""You'll never find it in a million years!""I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!""Ah, so you might think so...""In fact, I know so!""But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!""But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!""But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!""That would be true... if I were a football player!""You mean...?""I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!""And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!""Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall.""No cheating!”

“Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too.This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out.In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice.Dad says the sun isn't going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon.Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?”

“From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.”