“I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“I'm not threatening you. I'm just informing you of police procedure. If you continue to obstruct me, I remove the obstruction, in this case you, and proceed to the next command.”

“I have enough trouble with useful information, never mind being burdened with what is useless.”

“Information is useless if it is not applied to something important or if you will forget it before you have a chance to apply it.”

“I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb - and I'm not blonde either.”