“In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”

“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”

“I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you're doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you're lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you're really lucky.”

“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

“I've nearly started!”

“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.”