“MOMMMM, I'm thirsty... What's this, just water?”

“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”

“I'm a misunderstood genius.""What's misunderstood?""Nobody thinks I'm a genius.”

“It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept.”

“I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.”

“Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”