“No sport is less organized than Calvinball.”

“The only permanent rule in Calvinball is that you can never play it the same way twice! (Calvin)”

“There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.”

“I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.”

“Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.”

“Since September it's just gotten colder and colder. There's less daylight now, I've noticed too.This can only mean one thing - the sun is going out.In a few more months the Earth will be a dark and lifeless ball of ice.Dad says the sun isn't going out. He says its colder because the earth's orbit is taking us farther from the sun. He says winter will be here soon.Isn't it sad how some people's grip on their lives is so precarious that they'll embrace any preposterous delusion rather than face an occasional bleak truth?”

“The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!""No he doesn't!""He doesn't?""NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!""A traitor!""Calvin breaks for the goal.""Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!""Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!""Huh?!""When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!""Hidden?!""You'll never find it in a million years!""I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!""Ah, so you might think so...""In fact, I know so!""But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!""But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!""But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!""That would be true... if I were a football player!""You mean...?""I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!""And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!""Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall.""No cheating!”