“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse”

“That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.”

“Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.”

“Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen.”

“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”

“We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.”

“Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”