“A monster always has a vulnerability”

“Two things attract magpies: sparkly stuff and roadkill. This particular funeral is a jackpot for magpies.”

“1. Heat the oven to Denial.2. Prepare the pan with a spray of Anger.3. Mix in two medium-size bargains with The Bony Guy.4. Add 1/3 cup of Depression (tears will do if you want low-fat).5. Bake...until you can jab a toothpick in your arm and it seems Acceptable.”

“I have seen teenage boys having sex, and they aren't so intense as babies who are figuring out that they have hands...”

“A dream dictionary is a one-size-fits-all-palm-reading-astrology-column-in-the-newspaper-carrot-equals-penis secret-code decoder.”

“Physics extra credit: What should you do if you are stuck on frictionless ice? Assume you are nude and there is no atmospheric resistance. While correct, the answer 'suffocate' will not earn the credit.”

“Love is all tangled up with worry, but you can't cast out into the world until the line is untangled.”