“I opened the door for a lot of people and they left me holdin' the knob”

“The closet door is open for me, where I left it, since I left it open, it has graciously stayed open.”

“I reached for the knob. At the same moment it began to melt and transform, turning pink and finally taking the shape of a flaccid penis. It flopped softly against the door, like a man was cramming it through the knob hole from the other side.I turned back to John and said, 'That door cannot be opened.”

“Okay, babe, I'm here.”The front door smashed opened, slamming against the wall—the man didn't know how to turn a knob?”

“Anyone who watches even the slightest amount of TV is familiar with the scene: An agent knocks on the door of some seemingly ordinary home or office. The door opens, and the person holding the knob is asked to identify himself. The agent then says, "I'm going to ask you to come with me.”

“With a damp palm, I turned the knob and cracked open the door. She was asleep in her freshly made bed. I can’t explain how relieved I felt for this simple mercy. She was here and safe on clean sheets.”