“I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.”

“I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned how to dance- waiting for the bathroom.”

“You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.”

“I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.”

“My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?”

“Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.”